Through my eyes

Its that time of the year again when many of you are planning your Durban July experience. For most its about fashion and a chance to outshine the crowds, while for others its about winning those millions.

I have decided to give this year a miss for a simple reason that I am just not in the mood for 'glamping'. This year I am taking it easy, chilling on my veranda and watching the sea break.

I have so many fond memories of the July, the last one I attended was so funny. I got dressed up to the nines. My hand sewn Italian knee-high boots, which I bought on a winter sale in Krakow, were real show stoppers. I swanked those boots like a real diva, only to sink shin deep in the mud just outside the plush, mostly white, FNB marquee.

I was livid. I mean really cross, without hesitation I ran into the portable toilet to try and wash the gunge off my boots. So in a very clever fashion I was using my best yoga moves to hitch my legs to the sink while using toilet paper and running water to wash the mud off.

It took forever but I managed to get most of it off, only to find that while holding onto the toilet, I managed to break it and pulled it off the wall. It took two toilet paper rolls and about an hour to clean up after my mess. I placed the toilet seat back up and pretended that nothing happened.

When I finally got out, there was a small crowd which gathered in front of the portable toilet , apparently the noises and the swaying of the flimsy cubicle made people think there was some weird hanky-panky going down.

My husband's face almost dropped to the ground when he saw me emerging out of the toilet, I think he was convinced I was sharing an amorous moment with some stranger.

Oh, just the fun and glamour of it all doesn't stop there. If I can give my humble advice to anyone who will be going this year, please make sure that you compliment people on their fashion statements. A lot of people go through serious planning, not to mention the expense to look their most fabulous on the day, telling them they look great is essential!

So while enjoying the classy Vodacom July hospitality venue one grey July evening I bumped into this classy looking 'babe'. She looked like she was in her sixties but in that light and considering what she was wearing she could have been fifty or even seventy. Who could tell

So as we were getting to know each other's names I remark on her interesting choice of clothes, to which she responded, "Zara's latest collection.", I continued to, "ooohh" and "ahhh" a little more and out of the blue she moved closer to me and said; "My boyfriend and I work out hard as you can see." She lifted her leopard print skirt slightly showing off her silky suspenders.

I raised my eyes, confused like hell at this stage of our encounter, to which she added, "We both love sex so much" Eieek.

So my advise for this year's Durban July, wear comfortable shoes and if someone looks like a camouflaged, cougar, grandma, runnnnnn!