Legal Talk

How to spot a child who is a victim of parental alienation

The topic of parental alienation in divorce cases seems to come up more often than before. Parental alienation occurs when one parent encourages their child to unfairly reject the other parent and actively prevents the child from having a normal relationship with the other parent.

The consequences of parental alienation are devastating on the child and it could leave a permanent scar in the mind of the child, to the point where the relationship between the child and estranged parent never heals.

A client of mine who got divorced almost 20 years ago continues to have a fractured relationship with his daughter to this day. This is due directly to the vicious campaign his ex-wife waged against him by negatively influencing the child whilst they were in the process of getting divorced.

A clinical psychologist, Dr MarilÈ Viljoen, said that the symptoms of parental alienation includes, a campaign of denigration by one parent where the child is consumed with hatred of the targeted parent and denies any positive past experiences. The child sees one parent as perfect, and the other parent as flawed.

The alienated child could be rude, ungrateful, spiteful and cold toward the alienated parent. Christine Hammond, a psychologist in the US, says there are 3 categories of alienation. She calls the first one na*ve alienation, where one parent tries to alienate the child from the other parent through passive-aggressive comments.

Comments such as "Your dad makes more money than me, so he can buy you a bike." Or "Your father doesn't work, so he can attend your parent teacher conference. Active alienation is when one parent actively tries to alienate one parent by creating feelings of loyalty.For example, one parent might try to get their child to keep secrets from the other.

The third category is obsessive alienation, when one parent aggressively seeks out ways to manipulate the child into disconnecting from the other parent. She quotes instances when a parent could say damaging and hurtful things about the other parent but say it in a compassionate manner to the child for example "your mother is unstable and that I am worried she might hurt you some day.

Another example of this one might be something like, "I want you to tell me when you father's been drinking so I can bring it up at our next court date." Children may not be aware that they are the victims of parental alienation.

Some parents might not even realize they are doing it. Parental alienation in the obsessive sense is harmful to the child in a long-term situation because it causes the child to trust only the perception of the one parent and not trust the other parent - or worse, not trust themselves.

A parent guilty of alienating a child in this way could would be deemed to be acting contrary to principle of what is in the "best interests of the child". This principle is not only found in the Children's Act but is also enshrined in our Constitution.

Prof Wesahl Domingo who is Head of the University of the Witwatersrand School of Law, says that children should not only be informed about how a parenting plan will affect them but the child should have a say when the plan is drawn.

She also argues that attorneys and advocates get further training when dealing with children to recognise when a child may be a victim of parental alienation.

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